“I have no urge to ever go there again”

Finding the root cause of an addiction is the key to recovery if you ask Kendall Elliott.

“I think a lot of people relapse because they never know why they started using in the first place,” she said. 

For her, the history of anger filling a void of emotion in her teens lead her to turn to other ways to make her feel free.

“My parents divorced before I can even remember,” she said. “We were living with my grandparents and my mom started dating when I was about four or five years old.”

She said when she began school, she realized how odd it was that her parents weren’t together. Everyone else’s mom and dad lived together.

“I had a lot of emotions and I just didn’t know how to express them,” she said. “No one ever told me how to manage them.”

So her answer was to lash out in anger.

“I grew up with several different dads and went to three different schools,” she said. “It was a pivotal time in my life.”

She was an athletic girl who participated in multiple sports, but she couldn’t manage her anger.

“I swore a lot and every emotion I had was anger,” she said, adding that her mom eventually had to take her out of sports.

“I got in with a rebellious group of kids at Seymour and anger was my way to cope with everything.”

As she got older, she started experimenting with drugs and alcohol and realized how free she felt.

“I hit it hard!” said Kendall. “I lied to my mom a lot, skipped school and started bringing home really bad grades and incompletes,” she said. 

When she turned 17, her mom had had enough and sent her to live her dad in Salem for her junior and senior years in high school.

“It was a knife to my heart,” said Kendall. “My mom had kicked me out and didn’t care what happened to me. And I didn’t care about myself.”

Although she was hurt and resented her mother at the time, Kendall said her mom did her a huge favor.

She spiraled out of control, smoking pot, taking pills and living how she wanted.

“I was looking for the biggest high, a coping mechanism,” she said. “As far as you can get in addiction, that’s where I was. It got so far out of hand, it was scary.”

Kendall said it was a lonely place and she eventually got to a point where she didn’t want to wake up every morning feeling that way, looking for her next hit.

“At 21, I turned to treatment,” she said. “I didn’t feel that I had anyone else to turn to.”

She said Debbi Styles, who did jail ministry, helped her multiple times and told her about Teen Challenge.

When she woke up one morning too exhausted to chase down a buzz, she called her mom.

“I said, ‘I’m ready. Come get me,’” Kendall recalled. “And she did. She dropped everything and came to get me. She took me straight to Teen Challenge.”

She said she was skin and bones and had scabs all over her body.

She spent 14 months in the program and eventually graduated.

“The woman in charge said, ‘I wanted to kick you out so many times, but God wouldn’t let me!’” Kendall laughed. “And I admit, I wanted to leave several times, but something in my heart made me stay.”

Although she graduated the program, Kendall knew she wasn’t ready to come back to Salem. 

“I stayed and worked at Teen Challenge for about 10 months,” she said, adding that it is a very strict and rigged program, even when you are an employee.

“At some point I knew I was ready for a little more freedom in my life.”

She got a job with Masters Commission in Atlanta, Georgia, where she worked with youth and did several different jobs, including mission work.

“I stayed in Atlanta for four years and learned a lot about myself,” she said, adding that she learned she loved nature, loved to be outdoors and being active.

She was 25 at the time she was working in Atlanta and loved hanging out with the 17 to 20 year olds. She said she felt God was giving her her teenage years back.

When she was ready to move on, she got an offer from a friend she had met at Teen Challenge who had a company that was based out of Africa. She invited Kendall to go to Africa with her for two months.

“So, I did!” she said. “I raised $5,000 to go to Africa!”

She said it was a great time and she learned so much about herself, especially being able to travel alone in foreign countries.

“We went on safari and I helped her with her business. It was great.”

After Africa, she decided it was time to come home to Salem.

“I got a job at Christie’s when I moved home,” she said. “You know, Carmelita (Jean) has a heart for dysfunctional people like me! She runs a spiritual business and it was just where I needed to be.”

She was living alone at the time and said it helped her overcome a fear she had of being alone. She got to know herself even better.

Bowling worked at Christie’s for three years and met people in the community she didn’t even know existed.

“I loved it and I was eager to meet more people!” she said.

During this time, she reconnected with Chad Elliott, whom she had known during her younger, wilder years. Together, they help each other be better everyday.

“I have no use for drugs and alcohol,” she said. “I have no urge to ever go there again.”

She said anger has ruined a lot of good things in her life and it is something she struggles with often, but she is learning.

In April, she and Chad married. She now has a stepdaughter, Cynthia, who she loves like her own. She said parenting is a new experience and something she is loving. 

While addiction can ruin lives, there is hope for people like Kendall who want to seek help and set their life in the right direction.

See more stories like this in an upcoming Health Section being printed in The Salem Leader on Aug. 28.